University of Wisconsin - Stout

Statistics

  1. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds. (Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991)
  2. By the most conservative estimate, each year 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 3)
  3. The American Medical Association now estimates that almost 4 million women are victims of severe assaults by boyfriends and husbands each year and about one in four women is likely to be abused by a partner in her lifetime. (Sarah Glazer, "Violence Against Women", CQ Researcher, Congressional Quarterly, Inc., Vol. 3 No.8, February 1993, p. 171)
  4. Each day, more than three women in the United States are murdered by a male intimate partner. (United States Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Violence by Intimates, 2000)
  5. Women age 35-49 were the most vulnerable to intimate murder, while females age 16 to 24 were the most vulnerable to nonfatal violence. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Reports: Intimate Partner Violence and Age of Victim, 1993-1999 (NCJ-187635), October 2001)
  6. A study of 3,142 college undergraduates showed that serious dating increases abuse by 1.5 events per year, and cohabitation increases the number by 3.5 events per year. (Alvi, Shahid; Selbee, Kevin. (1997). "Dating Status Variations and Woman Abuse: A Test of the Dependency, Availability, and Deterrence (DAD) model." Violence Against Women, Vol. 3(6): 610-628)
  7. Approximately 1 out of every 3 high school and college students has experienced sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional violence in dating relationships. (Mitchell, Anita. (1996)."Teen Dating Violence." Protecting Sexually Active Youth, Vol. 4(1), March, 1996)
  8. 20-30% of college dating relationships involved physical abuse. (Fisher, B.S., Cullen, F.T., Turner, M.G. (2000). The sexual victimization of college women. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs.)
  9. Victims of dating violence report the abuse takes many forms: insults, humiliation, monitoring the victim's movements, isolation of the victim from family and friends, suicide threats, threats to harm family or property, and physical or sexual abuse. Their abusers also blamed them for the abuse, or used jealousy as an excuse. (Brustin, S., Legal Response to Teen Dating Violence, Family Law Quarterly, vol. 29, no. 2,336 (Summer 1995) (citing Gamache, Domination and Control: The Social Context of Dating Violence, in Dating Violence, Young Women in Danger, Levy, ed. 1991)
  10. Domestic violence is statistically consistent across racial and ethnic boundaries. (Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 3.)
  11. The prevalence of domestic violence among Gay and Lesbian couples is approximately 25 - 33%. (Barnes, It's Just a Quarrel', American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 25.)

Warning Signs That Your Relationship May Become Violent

  1. A push for a quick involvement: Comes on very strong. An Abuser pressures a person for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
  2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly: prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone;" checks the mileage on your car.
  3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to, and where you were; keeps all the money.
  4. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect person and meet his/her every need.
  5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble."
  6. Blames others for problems and mistakes: The boss, it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
  7. Makes everyone else responsible for his/her feelings: The abuser says, "You make me angry instead of, "I am angry' or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
  8. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming that his/her feelings are hurt when he/she is really mad.
  9. Cruelty to animals and to children: Kills or punishes animals brutally.
  10. "Playful" use of force during sex: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex.
  11. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names
  12. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a trotter of minutes or even more confusing, within seconds.
  13. Past battering: Admits hitting women/men in the past, but says they made him/her do it or the situation brought in on.
  14. Threats of violence: Makes statements like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you" and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If he/she has come this far, it is time to get help and get out!

(Adapted from Signs to Look for in a Battering Personality, from the Project for Victims of Family Violence. Fayetteville. Ark.)

Characteristics of Safe and Healthy Relationships

Partnerships

Equality

Emotional Honesty

Sexual Respect

Physical Safety

Support and Trust

Respect

Emotional Abuse

What is emotional abuse?

Although much information has been written and discussed about physical and sexual abuse as well as domestic violence, less information is available regarding emotional abuse. At this point, there is no universally accepted definition of emotional/verbal abuse. Similar to other forms of relationship abuse, emotional and/or verbal abuse is based on power and control. It is commonly referred to as a pattern of behavior that can seriously interfere with one's positive emotional development and over time, can lead to significant detriment to one's self-esteem and emotional well-being. It has been further described as an ongoing emotional environment organized by the abuser for the purposes of control. The underlying factor in the dynamic of emotional abuse is the abuser's low regard for him/her self. As the abuser may fear not being "good enough"and/or meeting other's expectations, he/she may attempt to make their victim feel and believe similar things about him/her self. The following are some of the most recognized types of emotional abuse:

Rejecting – experiences in which an individual's presence, value, or worth is not acknowledged/recognized by another individual; communication to another individual that they are worthless and/or inferior to others; devaluing one's thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc.

Isolating – this can range from the extreme of physical confinement of another individual to lesser forms of isolation, including limiting one's freedom within their environment and/or restricting normal contact with others.

Degrading – identified as behavior which negatively impacts the identity, self-worth, and dignity of another person; this may involve name calling, ridicule, insults, intimidation, and condescending commentary.

Exploiting/Corrupting – exploitation of another person for one's own advantage or profit; socializing another individual to accept ideas, behavior, etc. that opposes legal standards and/or crosses personal boundaries.

Terrorizing – ongoing threatening behavior/commentary towards another individual such that intense terror or fear is induced; may involve elements of coercion by intimidation

Denying Emotional Responsiveness – occurs when an individual fails to provide care/concern in a sensitive and responsive manner to their significant other; this may occur when an individual interacts only when necessary, is uninvolved and detached, and ignores another person's emotional and/or physical needs.

Laws regarding Domestic Violence

Wisconsin Statute 813.12 (Paraphrased)

Domestic abuse means any of the following engaged or threatened to be engaged in by an adult against another adult living with or in a dating relationship with the person.

  1. Intentional infliction of physical pain, physical injury or illness.
  2. Intentional impairment of physical condition.
  3. First, Second or Third Degree Sexual Assault
  4. Whoever intentionally causes damage to any physical property of another without the person's consent.

What do I do if I have been a victim of domestic violence?

  1. Report the incident immediately to the campus police (232-222) or the Menomonie Police Department (232-1283 or 911)
  2. Make a safety plan.
  3. Tell someone close to you for support and/or help.
  4. You could file a restraining order.

Who can I report to that I am victim of domestic violence?

There are various reporting options for reporting incidents of sexual assault, stalking or dating and domestic violence. You have the option of reporting to both the police and the Dean of Students Office. Navigate to reporting options for more information.

What will happen to me if I report the incident?

If you choose to report the abuse, the person you report to will need to know the details of the incident in order to effectively help you. The information you report will be kept confidential unless you are threatening to harm yourself or another person. If you report to the police, the police may ask you to reveal the name of the person harming you so that they can do a criminal background check. This may help the police determine the level of danger you could be in. The most important thing to the police is that you are safe. The police may refer you to community resources to ensure your safety.

What are the consequences for the person who is abusing me?

The police or a Dean of Students staff person will conduct an interview with the accused in order to obtain his/her side of the story. If the police believe there is probable cause or a reason to believe that the person committed a crime, then the person will be arrested. Navigate to Consequences of Domestic Violence to learn about the investigation procedures.

Wisconsin Mandatory Arrest Law

An arrest shall be made if probable cause exists to believe that:

  1. A person had committed or is committing domestic abuse, and
  2. the person's actions constitute the commission of a crime, and
  3. either or both of the following circumstances are present:
  4. The officer has a reasonable basis for believing that continued domestic abuse against the alleged victim is likely.
  5. There is evidence of physical injury to the alleged victim.
  6. An officer's decision as to whether or not to arrest may not be based on the consent of the victim to any subsequent prosecution, or on the relationship of the persons involved in the incident.
  7. An officer's decision not to arrest may not be based solely upon the absence of visible indications of injury or impairment.
  8. If a report of a domestic abuse incident and the alleged act of abuse occurred more than 28 days prior to the date reported, the officer is not mandated to arrest the alleged perpetrator.

How can I heal from this situation?

It takes great courage to leave an abusive situation. Many people stay for various reasons. Only you can make the decision to leave your abuser. If you choose to see a counselor, that person will guide you in your decision making process but will not make the decision for you. It is important to remember that the abuse is about the abuser and not you. The following is a list of helpful resources on and off campus. Run, don't walk to the closest resource!

Check out Counseling Resources for more information.

How Can I Help a Friend Who Is in an Abusive Relationship?

Devising a Safety Plan for Abusive Relationships

Step 1. Safety during violence.

We encourage you to complete this form with someone you trust and print this page and keep it with you. You may want to highlight the information below and copy and paste it into a Word Document.

I can use the following options:

  1. I decide to leave, I will ___________________
    1. Move to a room with easy access to an exit. Don't go to the kitchen, bathroom or near possible weapons.
    2. Know the quickest route out of your home. Practice escaping that way.
    3. Know the quickest route out of your workplace. Practice escaping that way. Domestic Violence does not just occur in your home.
    4. Pack a bag and have it ready. Keep it hidden but make it easy to grab quickly.
    5. Tell your neighbors about your abuse and ask them to call the police when they hear a disturbance.
    6. Have a code word to use with your family and friends. They will know to call the police and get you help.
    7. Know where you are going to go, if you ever have to leave.
    8. Use your instincts.
    9. You have the right to protect yourself.
  2. I can keep a bag ready and put it ___________________ so I can leave quickly.
  3. I can tell ___________________ about the violence and have them call the police when violence erupts.
  4. I will use this word code ___________________ for my friends, or family to call for help.
  5. I have to leave my home, I will go ___________________. (Be prepared even if you think you will never have to leave.)
  6. When an argument erupts, I will move to a safer room such as ___________________. See Options.
  7. I will use my instincts, intuition, and judgment. I will protect myself until I am out of danger.

Step 2. Safety when getting ready to leave.

I can use the following strategies:

  1. I will leave money and an extra set of keys with ___________________.
  2. I will keep important documents and keys at ___________________.
  3. I will open a savings account by this date ___________________ to increase my independence.
  4. Other things I can do to increase my independence are: ___________________.
  5. The domestic violence hotline is 1-800-924-9918.
  6. The shelter's hotline is 1-800-924-9918.
  7. I will keep change for phone calls with me at ALL times. I know that if I use a telephone credit card, that the following month the telephone bill will tell the batterer who I called after I left. I will keep this information confidential by using a prepaid phone card, using a friend's telephone card, calling collect, or using change.
  8. I will check with ___________________ and ___________________ to know who will let me stay with them or who will lend me money.
  9. I can leave extra clothes with ___________________.

Step 3. Safety At Home

I can use the following safety methods:

  1. I or my landlord can change the locks on my doors and windows as soon as possible.
  2. I or my landlord can replace wooden doors with steel doors.
  3. I or my landlord can install security systems- i.e. additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors, electronic sensors, etc.
  4. I can purchase rope ladders to be used for escape routes from the second floor.
  5. I can install smoke detectors and buy fire extinguishers for each floor of my home.
  6. I or my landlord can install an outside lighting system that lights up when someone approaches my home.
  7. I can tell the following people that my partner no longer lives with me and that they should call the police if he is near my residence:
    • Neighbors ___________________
    • Friends ___________________
    • Others ___________________

Step 4. Order of Protection

The following steps will help enforce the order of protection:

  1. I will keep the protection order ___________________ (the location). Always keep it with you.
  2. I will give my protection order to police departments in the areas that I visit my friends, family, where I live, and where I work.
  3. If I visit other counties, I will register my protection order with those counties.
  4. I can call the local domestic violence agency if I am not sure how to register my protection order with the police departments.
  5. I will tell my employer, my church leader, my friends, my family and others that I have a protection order.
  6. If my protection order gets destroyed, I know I can go to the County Courthouse and get another copy.
  7. If my partner violates the protection order, I will call the police and report it. I will call my lawyer, my advocate, counselor, and/ or tell the courts about the violation.
  8. If the police do not help, I will call my advocate or my attorney AND I will file a complaint with the Chief of the Police Department.
  9. I can file a private criminal complaint with the district judge in the jurisdiction that the violation took place or with the District Attorney. A domestic violence advocate will help me do this.

Step 5. Job and Public Safety

I can do the following:

  1. I can tell my boss, security, and ___________________ at work about this situation.
  2. I can ask ___________________ to help screen my phone calls.
  3. When leaving work I can do the following: ___________________
  4. When I am driving home from work and problems arise, I can ___________________
  5. If I use public transportation, I can ___________________
  6. I will shop at different stores at different hours than I did when I was with my partner.
  7. I will use a different bank and bank at different hours than I did when I was with my partner.
  8. I can also do the following: ___________________

Step 6. Drug and Alcohol Use.

I can enhance my safety if I do the following:

  1. If I am going to use, I am going to do it in a safe place with people who understand the risk of violence and who are committed to my safety.
  2. I can also ___________________
  3. If my partner is using, I can ___________________
  4. I can also ___________________

Step 7. Emotional Health

I can do the following:

  1. If I feel depressed and ready to return to a potentially violent situation/ partner, I can ___________________
    • I can call ___________________
  2. b. When I have to talk to my partner in person or on the phone, I can ___________________
  3. I will use "I am..." statements and I will be assertive with people.
  4. I can tell myself ___________________ when I feel people are trying to control or abuse me.
  5. I can call the following people and/ or places for support: ___________________
  6. f. Things I can do to make me feel stronger are: ___________________